pregnancy, marriage and dreams

growing up from a not so well off family.. i have always told people that ” i want to be rich” whenever they ask me of what i want to become someday..

that “someday” is finally here. i am 23, graduated recently from a 2 year college program.. as my sister would say she thinks that i already got half of my shit together.

i beg to disagree because i still feel like there’s alot of new things and experiences that i need to try and discovering myself is kind of my first priority right now..

i have come to an age where almost all of my highschool, elementary batchmates are getting married and popping out kids here and there..

even some of the people that im not expecting to have their kids right away were already married or pregnant..

they basically took their life to the next level.. settling down, being a wife and a mom..

they look happy, thanks to my facebook’s newsfeed.. i can always see what they’re about.

to be honest, i always cringe whenever people tells me that im next to pop one baby out, or that i’ll get pregnant real soon..they would automatically think that since everyone else is doing it, they are kind of waiting or expecting me to just simple join the fun ride..

i honestly dont see it. i know deep down that i still want to travel and enjoy the life of someone who is not a parent. i want to see what this world has to offer for me.. i still want to re-invent myself- something that i cannot probably do when i have kids..

being a mother, or settling down used to be very ideal for me.. when i was 16 i remember telling my ex who is now married, that i want to settle down when im 22..

but now, and i can confidently say that i am not ready yet.

im just starting out with my career, pushing the limits of my selfishness as a young adult. im not done figuring this life out.

i do think that im still a kid.. who has alot of things to learn

i just cant see myself on that road yet,

i’d be glad and thankful to have my own family someday when im ready tho.. growing up with less, made me reaize that i need to work hard before i settle down.. i want my kids and family to live a happy, satisfied and comfortable life. i want my kids to have almost everything that their heart desires and i want to live a life with as less stress as possible.

i also need to make sure that my mom would live comfortably when she retires to the point where she doesnt even have to worry about anything else except travelling, going to spa or just basically pampering herself as much as she pleases. if i can do it, i’d like for her to stop working.. so she could finally enjoy her life.

i want to make sure that even tho life wont be perfect, we can all atleast be cmfortable with what our life’s going to be years from now.

i knew right off the bat that if i dont take my time learning and improving myself.. i wont be able to give all those things..

but for now..  i’d like to  take my time, enjoy every selfish “me time” that i could get, go crazy shopping, work out till my body’s super ripped (as if thats gunna happen),making careful little mistakes for myself and learning from it, and figure out where i really need to be in this very cruel world.




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