bad, selfish christian

its holy week.. and it feels like im a bad christian.

thank goodness for the internet.. i can at least watch something right now… the problem is.. i kind of feel guilty watching and treating my day as if its just an ordinary one.

i remember when i was just a little kid, our lola would always tell us that we cant play outside or have fun or watch anything in the tv during semana santa, (yea right, as if i could watch something back then, all the stations are taking a break, they wont show you anything except for dramas)

i kind of hate thursdays and fridays more.. cuz there’s basically nothing on.

as a kid with just a regular tv, with regular channels on it.. you dont really have much. i remember my lola would always get mad because apparently its “mahal na araw”(its holy week)  and “bawal ang maingay” (you have to be quiet) because “wala ang Diyos”.. she would often say ” manahimik at magsimba” as if something really bad is going to happen to us if we continue partying in our own childish/selfish ways.

ever since, i love watching my cartoons, i remember waking up earlier during the weekends just to watch my fave shows.. and when we finally had cable.. where cartoon network and nickledeon was on, i was super happy.. finally. i will never get bored during the holyweek. and i guess the tradition of not having fun during the week of holiness kind of died. my lola also started watching movies from HBO and cinema one.

i still feel like that tho up until now. you see.. when holy week is approaching, people tend to give something up as a mean of sacrifice, may it be your fave food or hobby, fb or any type of meat.. (beef, pork, chicken) there are a ton of things/ hobbies/ ways that you could choose from in order for you to have some type of “sakripisyo”. oh and yes,, we can only have fish and some veggies for these days because naghihirap daw ang Diyos sa mga araw na ito.

now that im a little older.. (not little, but ok you get the point) im not going to deny it.. every year i try to give something up.. and i always end up unsuccessful. i would forget about it.. or simply cave into temptations.. i do it because everyone was kind of doing it and it feels like i need to take part..

take me as a bad person for doing this. i cant blame you.

i am craving chocolate right now and i indulged in tiramisu cake at a sushi buffet at lunch.

all im saying is that it doesnt have to be this way.. (i think) idk, do you ever feel this way too? maybe? maybe not?

its kind of weird having all the freedom right now and yet thinking about this.

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