UGLY THOUGHTS ABOUT QUITTING.

one of the many life lessons that i have learnt  was probably the torturing lesson about quitting.

i used to think that when you quit, it means that you have easily given up.. and that you didnt even make that extra effort to give whatever it is that you’re quitting about a fair chance.

the truth is, it varies, it depends.

after all the horrible things and also the beautful events that i have experienced about being a student and now being a nurse, i could say that quitting doesnt only mean that you’re giving up.

its painful yes, especially when you have come a long way and you pretty much spend all of your precious time doing that.

now that i have gone through disappointments, sadness, frustration.. and all the other negative feelings a dictionary can offer..

i have learnt that quitting a job that you hate also means that you are strong enough to walk away from something that doesn’t make you feel any good as a person..  so you could give yourself a fair chance of actually finding where you actually fit in, where your limits truly lies and where else can your talents be contributed so others may benefit from it.

being a nurse for a short period of time. including the times when i was still a student.. created fear and frustrations deep inside me to the point where i wouldn’t be able to sleep stressing about it for 32 hours straight.

how can something this powerful and rewarding be any of a hassle to me? i get the chance to help people.. heal them, know them.. touch their lives..

but why do i feel this way?

its not for everyone is the answer.

i dont know how some nurses can endure the pain, loss, frustrations and stress in nursing..

its easy.. in fact its so difficult, it will even make you cry..

but they are able to do it for 20, 30, 40.. even 50 years until they retire.

they do it not only because of the financial stability that comes with it..

they do it out of “love”.

love for what they do, love for what they stand and believe in.. love for their “calling”.

i have always been lost in this part of my life – what am i really called to do?

where do i belong? where do my skills can be utilize  so i could be an instrument for other people to find their inner peace or maybe at least for them to be inspired about something.. or anything!

i should’ve followed my instincts.  i should have walked away from it when i thought about quitting the first time.

i gave it a chance and it didn’t work for me.

maybe.. i should have been brave enough to fight for what i want. (even though im not entirely sure what that would be)

but no. even if i didnt do all the list under my should have been’s..

im glad that i did try.. at least.

so to all the quitters out there.. you know what to do.. and i hope that in some way.. i have helped you make that decision to move forward by sharing this — or whatever.

the struggle of one finding herself begins here?.. no.

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